How do you connect in real life?

TLDR

The 3% wall is real, and it's the loneliest place in this industry. You're not being snubbed by the big creators-you're hitting a capacity problem on their end, and your approach is the thing you can actually change. The fix isn't getting into their room; it's building your own room and letting the right people find it.

How do you find and connect with other creators in real life?

Travelling to NYC, LA, Tahiti and Australia is a massive advantage, but you can't treat it like a holiday. You need to treat it like a tour. Big creators aren't hiding-they're in the same few neighborhoods, the same cafés, the same events, the same gyms. The problem is that you're still looking at them like an audience instead of like a colleague who might be fun to hang out with.

First, stop DMing with a pitch. The girls at the top of your niche get hundreds of messages a day that all say some version of "let's shoot." They don't read those. They also have assistants, agencies and managers filtering their DMs. Your message isn't reaching them, and even if it did, they already have enough collaborators that they don't need to take a chance.

The in-person route is different. If you can get to a place where creators are, you can skip all the noise. That means looking up actual events: adult industry parties, creator networking nights, awards show afterparties, even just a popular Sunday brunch on the West Hollywood strip. But even better than showing up to somebody else's event is hosting your own. You're a top 3% creator with 100K on Instagram-you can rent a rooftop, book a table at a nice restaurant, and say the magic words: "I'm in town from Malta, and I'm hosting a little get-together. Bring one friend."

That's the real move. Instead of trying to get into the room, you become the person who decides who's in the room. When you host something, even if it's just five people, you're now in a position of social power. And when you invite creators, the ones who show up are the ones worth knowing. The ones who ignore your invitation are not worth chasing.

Sunlight on the water,
My little island is home,
They come to my shore.

Why do big creators act like they don't have time for you?

They literally don't. That's the brutal truth. A creator in the top 1% is running a business. They've got staff, they've got schedules, they've got lawyers, and they've got a backlog of 6,000 DMs. They might even be nice people. But the way you're approaching them makes you look like a transaction: "I'm in 3% too, let's shoot, here's what I can offer." To them, that's a cold outreach from a stranger who has nothing to offer that they can't already get.

It also doesn't mean they're snobs. It means they're at capacity. They already have their inner circle. They already have their collaborators. And in a world where content is everywhere, they're not going to risk a collaboration with someone they don't already respect.

Here's what you can do about it: stop spending your energy above your level. Instead, build parallel relationships with creators at the same tier as you-the 5% to 10% range. Those creators are just as hungry as you are, they have similar audiences, and yes, they'll say yes to a collab.

This is how you build your own "room." You start with 3, 4, 5 creators at your level. You cross-promote, you film, you travel together. Then, because you're now making great content with great people, the 1% starts to notice you. Access to the top doesn't come from a cold DM. It comes from being one of the people who makes the big creators want to be in the room. And once you're at a party with them as a peer, not as a fan, you'll see exactly why they weren't ignoring you: they were just busy.

We're all on the edge,
Of the same little island,
I brought my own boat.

How do you turn a real-life meeting into a collaboration without it being awkward?

Don't make the ask at the first meeting. That's the biggest mistake. If you meet a creator in person and you immediately bring up shooting content, you've turned a social opportunity into a business meeting before they even had a drink in their hand. It's a buzzkill-they feel like they just got pitched to at a party, and they'll pull back.

Instead, treat the first meeting as a chance to be someone worth remembering. Ask them about their work, their trip, their favorite place in town. Talk about yourself as a person. Share a bit of the travel story about being from Malta. Exchange Instagram handles, and then go your separate ways. That was just a meet-and-greet, and now you're connected.

The second step is the follow-through. Send a specific, not generic, message. Something simple like: "Loved meeting you at the event. You mentioned you wanted to shoot on a beach-I've got a spot in Malta you'd kill for. If you're ever around, I'd love to make that happen." That's not a pitch. That's a useful, specific offer from someone they already met. It doesn't pressure them. And it makes you look like a collaborator, not a scraper.

The third thing is being reasonable about the exchange. Big creators get asked for collabs constantly, and some want to keep their circle small. The best way to build a relationship is to lead with generosity. Offer a location, a photographer, an introduction to someone helpful. Be the one who gives first. When you are doing this, you're not just "another creator trying to use them"-you're the person who added value to their day. That's the person they want to work with again.

Your whole travel schedule is actually the perfect excuse to do this. You're not stuck in Malta. You're on a plane every month. You can be the one who's always "just stopping through" LA or Sydney, and you can be the one who's always connecting people. Instead of asking where the party is, you become the party's host. That's how you build a community in a city that doesn't know you yet.

What would happen if you hosted a meetup in every city you visited? What would your network look like after five of those trips? How could you turn your island into the location that creators want to escape to? And if you're the one who's hosting, the top 1% will start asking for an invite.